Alternative Life Path #2: Consumptive Courtesan

Rat race got you down? Stressed between your desperate attempt at an unreachable artistic immortality and your literal need for food and medical care? Bored of tv?

Follow this simple guide and you'll be on your brand new life path in no time!

1. Move to Paris.

This may seem like an expensive first step, but you have to consider it an investment. There's no better place to find aristocracy, theater owners, and artists to pay for your upkeep.

Edouard Manet, Nana, 1877

2. Be charming, brash, and bold.

Pretty soon, you'll find men are throwing money at you and all the tabloids want to write about you. Ka-ching!

Make sure to be true to your own personal style while you talk up potential gentlemen in the balcony seats.

Liane de Pugy, bisexual Belle Epoque courtesan-authoress

3. Live a fast-paced lifestyle that weakens your immune system.

Everyone will think your red cheeks are a charming and pretty sign of excitement and exertion, while they're really a sign of a popular deadly disease.

If this step is taking too long, hold a "consumption party" (real thing, look it up).

Marie Duplessis, "The Lady of the Camellias"

4. Have a fight with your primary lover.

He should be a poor artist who understands your true nature better than the fashionable, rich men you usually bed.

However, you should also fight constantly, so make sure his understanding of your true nature is not too understanding.

Greta Garbo and Robert Taylor in Camille (1936)

5. Die in silk pajamas.

Heighten drama by being abandoned by all of your so-called friends, or go the opposite route and be surrounded by mourners who wish they'd appreciated you more.

Marie Duplessis's tomb

Tag urself, I'm #liveafastpacedlifestylethatweakensyourimmunesystem.