5 Downsides of Virtual Work

Working remotely is undeniably a great gig. You can wake up late, there’s no obnoxious commute with other drivers kamikaziing your 2009 sedan, and you can pick which cafes to wander to and work like a proper millennial (or gen Z? What is my audience. All wandering wastrels are welcome).

But like any ray of sunshine, I can find some silver clouds. Here’s a few that plague me daily.


Caffeine addiction: because loitering is illegal and though Starbucks felt The Wrath of Public Opinion, nobody else gives a shit and you better buy a $6 coffee or take your techno-crap home to sit by yourself in your apartment.



Weight gain: because loitering is illegal. Yes, I’d like a coffee cake. Yes, I’d like to sit for another four hours. Yes, I’d like a second coffee cake.



Ordering your overpriced herbal tea, finding an outlet, setting up your wireless mouse, logging on to your computer, only to find the wifi doesn’t work. Now you’re just sipping your hibiscus-leaf green tea and hoping your ass doesn’t get fired for taking a two-hour lunch break.



Ordering your overpriced herbal tea, finding an outlet, setting up your wireless mouse, logging on to your computer, connecting to wifi (thank god), only to have to go pee. With no one with you to watch your stuff. Do you trust to fate, or actually speak to a stranger and ask them to watch it? Your tea chuckles at you as it worsens the situation, heading straight for your bladder as punishment for calling it overpriced.

Wow it’s really easy to take a depression nap when nobody can accidentally stumble into your napping-room. You’ve got to be quick with the nap when it’s in the office printer room. But when it’s in your own locked bedroom? How long until it’s not a nap anymore? 10 hours? 12? How long until your boss reports you missing?



Turns out your boss won’t report you missing until it’s been like, days.

Tag urself, I’m #caffeineaddiction.